Back to Issue 3

Personal Resolve by Robin Brennan

Wish I could be the person I wanted
All of the time
Making myself tired with all the personal crises
Finding it hard to walk the line over the crevasse
Years of increasing indulging decadence
Result in nights of uncontrollable conflicting tears
Killing hope and facing timeless fears
Possessed with using the twisted body to cleanse the soul
And the damaged soul to cleanse the body
Only living to find a way to die inside once more
Practicing how to feel so I can hurt once more
Suffering to recognize the good times that never arrive
Needing to know we die so I can feel alive once more
Voluntarily searching for soul-destroying places to learn how to
survive
Carrying all the deep dark secrets so far inside
Now becoming increasingly hard to hide
As far as I have come, behind me it all becomes undone
Falling through my head for a comfortable place to land
A long time ago I decided not to stay
Various obscure places have been found along the way
The innocent child we are all born as has long faded away
Unable to retain the slightest trace
As night gradually took over from the comfort of the scheduled days
Following life's curiosities have caused me to get lost although
remembering
Remembering, the lessons taught
The safety of lives people build do not apply to me
So used to the dark, now I can see
On a never ending journey looking for what existence really truly means
As the expectations of the past fall apart at the seems
Life now no longer feels like a dream
Those strange places no longer make me want to scream
Piecing the difficult puzzle together, trying to realize in it where I
belong
I move along, learning not to be afraid of fear.

Bio:   Robin Brennan is a poet from Ireland who has recently relocated to the US.